She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
