There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
