woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize