i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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