TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
