Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
