Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
