i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
