Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
