five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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