thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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