i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
