Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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