I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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