So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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