Apparently you make a good broom.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
