I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Of course I have a pirate flag
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
