I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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