Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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