Rock
Scissors
Fuck
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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