I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize