belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
