May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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