sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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