Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
