Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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