Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
