I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
