I am spending my child support on dildos
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
