I just saw a hot homeless man
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
