I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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