literally had 100 drinks last night.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
