I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
