Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
