I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize