I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
