Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
