Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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