Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
