Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
