What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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