shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
