You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
