Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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