I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
