Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
