At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
