It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
