is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
