my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
