I think my fart just growled at me.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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