Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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