If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
