my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
