My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
