that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This baby is an asshole
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
