I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
