I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
