I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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