Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
