I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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