there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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