its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
