yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
